FROG'S LEGS D'JOUR

I'm fucking pissed. Someone just stepped on my pet frog. Dammit! I just got that hoppin' little fucker. Worst part about it, aside from the juicy mess, his fucking legs are missing. Who the heartless hell would step on a frog and take his fucking legs? That's just sick man. Never mind, it was just a frog. Not like I gave it a name or anything. Shit, I never said anything like, "Hey, Mike the frog, wanna go get a smoothie?" That would've been almost as stupid as stepping on a fucking frog and taking his legs! Man, I just can't get that out of my mind. What the hell does someone do with frog legs? I've never heard of a dog getting run over by a car and someone screaming, "Oh my god! My dog! Where the FUCK are his legs!? I guess weirder shit has happened to me. Like one time I had a girlfriend with a really great ass. One day she told me she loved me. I might've been stupid and young back then but I sure as hell wasn't gullible. I kicked her on that perfect ass of hers and landed her "love" on the porch. Locked the fucking door. "I love you" she said. How fucking weird is that? Nobody says that. Another time was when I was in kindergarten painting some bullshit on some recycled piece of paper when this prissy blond bitch interrupts my artistic fucking expression to tell me that I got paint all over her sweater. "Bitch, I didn't get no fucking paint on you, but if you don't get out of my face I'll get something else on your sweater". I wonder if at that age I could've. Dumb fucker that I am I painted my whole sleeve blue just to keep her from telling the teacher I did something that stupid fucking bitch and I knew I didn't do. But taking a squashed frog's legs? What kind of sick joke is this? I got home from school today and saw my little brother sitting on the couch eating chicken watching his retarded cartoons with this shit-eating grin on his face. Everything seemed normal 'til I got up to my room and found a legless squashed frog on my floor. SHIT...