Half a Man with Two Names

Years ago, I met this girl. I didn't realize she was a girl at first, just a personality that I wanted to connect with more and more. Time rolled by and we became good friends. A little too good if you know what I mean. You probably don't know what I mean. What I mean is, you're probably somewhat normal and thinking that we were getting it on or at least kissed or something. That's not what I meant at all, although I wish it were. I meant that I was really into her. I mean, really into her. I thought she was beautiful and smart as hell. We got along so well that I didn't even bother to assume that she felt somewhat similarly about me. I guess I just kinda took it for granted. Like I said, I'm not altogether normal. Had I not taken it for granted, who knows, it might've gone somewhere different. Needless to say, it didn't. It went exactly where it went and that is the unfortunate part. It went clear across the other side of the country following some foreskinned dick I had met enough times to know that it was all a load of crap, one way or another. Whatever, what I know don't mean shit. The story doesn't end there. Or maybe that's where it always ends. It's hard to tell nowadays. Maybe it consistently ends there. Be that as it may, we got back in touch. You see, this connection we have is almost bigger than us both. Given the right circumstances, which are not very hard to come by in this case, we just connect. It's almost effortless, that is if I was the type to never take responsibility for my actions it would've been effortless. No, I'm kind of a dip shit. I actually put my effort into this reunion. Just like the first round, this go was not all that different. Except, maybe, that I and/or she was more determined to make sure that this time there would be no confusion as to whether or not we should be together. To her credit, so to speak, she had a kid with some other dick who happened to be circumcised this time. This pretty much put a lid on things, and thank god. I don't want no baby-momma-drama. He was a cool guy, and hell, I loved the shit out of her so I did all I could to make sure this shit worked out. Turns out, I couldn't really do shit. Hell, it wasn't my relationship and kid, what the fuck am I supposed to do? The kid kept calling me dad. Real awkward, let me tell you. His real dad was already the jealous type and it had taken quite a bit of time before he was somewhat cool with me. Dip shit that I was, I convinced myself that she was only a friend and that I really didn't want to have anything to do with her "in that way". Go figure, she dumps this guy and he thinks it's my fault when I was the guy pushing her to give him every benefit of the doubt and make every effort to make it work. I also told her, when she told me he knocked her up, that she better think long and hard about this one. "You might not think so, but this kid is yours. Don't expect him to be around in the long run." I don't think she wanted to hear that, but what the fuck? someone had to say it. Turns out I was right. Not only did he think it was my fault, which in a twisted, roundabout way I kinda agree with him, but she also came to believe it was my fault too. Unfortunately, she doesn't know this but she doesn't have to. It's her life. More time goes by and again we reconcile on her behest. I'm a little leery, but game as well. Dumb fucker that I am, I fall in love with her all over again. The kid's a little older now and we get along great. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be the kid's father. If I ended up being some kind of a role model, good or bad, that's his fucking problem. Really, you can't blame me. You can, but if you're honest you'll realize that if you made the same mistake I did and reconnect instead of keeping your distance, you would fall in love with her too. She's fucking smart, except when she's a fucking complete moronic idiot. Beautiful in her own unique way. Funny as a puppy on acid. And from what she tells me, pretty good in bed, except for all that baggage that takes up most of the covers. I wonder sometimes, are my efforts being wasted? Then I wonder, what efforts? I've never really told her how I felt. I've always just tried to show it to her. Maybe I should've kissed her or just stuck my dick in her. It's all academic at this point anyway. Turns out she never gave a shit about me in the first place. Actually, at the time I thought it was cute, but she used to call me Mike. I would love it when she called me Mike. It was like we were sharing our own little secret that no one else was a part of. Til yesterday that is. Yesterday, my dad came by to visit. He walked in and said "Hey, Jon, how've ya been?" Jon is my name. She never knew this. Or to be more precise, she just never paid attention before. I told her numerous times but she kept calling me Mike. "How cute" I thought. Yeah, cute. Real fucking cute. Turns out this lonely feeling I got right now has been there the whole time and I'm just too fucking stupid to have realized what it was. I guess I can't get too angry with her, but I did know her fucking name. I wonder what's gonna happen when we get back together in a couple more years when she ends up dumping her super-rich sugar-daddy and swears off men. I'm sure I'll be the first one she calls.